Motherhood

Today I felt horribly guilty about not saying goodbye to Ms. Bean twice when I dropped her off at daycare (generally I stop into her classroom for the second time after dropping off baby-bee to give her a "second kiss goodbye"). When I peeked in on her she was laughing with her friends and I couldn't stand the idea of tears, so I went on my way.

I spent the day trying to concentrate on the general BS of the hour, but really thinking about making sure that I got the "the right" teachers appreciation week gifts and writing out lovely cards to 10 teachers, letting them know how special they are. I hope that making them feel they are part of our family will make then show the girls patience and kindness.

I spent my lunch hour talking to friends about Potty training, development, the "right schools" and weekend birthday party plans.

I looked at photos on my desk and watched the clock wishing that it would move faster so that I could get the girls and see their smiles. I cringed when SHE called a late meeting because she wanted to change everything that was done in the 1030 meeting that she was too busy to attend.

I got to the kids late, feeling sick because baby bean was the last one there and was sitting in a corner playing by herself.

Drove home listening to Sesame Street.

Got stuck in traffic which translated to an "accident" since I forget to remind Ms. Bean to go potty before we left the daycare.

Baths as soon as we got home (Tom took care of this piece), cooking dinner, putting on pajamas, getting screamed at because I dared to try and comb hair, looking for princess shoes to go with nightgown, opppps, a POOP (Tom got this fun piece also), Papa and Susie's Power Visit, Tom does dishes, I run around getting everything ready for daycare tom arrow, the girls fight over the TV, wrestle, cry, and tell me they want to live with Susie.

I go to my room, sit for a moment and remember the two smiling faces that I only have 20 minutes with before bedtime. I go down wanting to snuggle.

Ms. Bean approaches with her arms out, looks me in the eyes, smiles, looks down, and deliberately steps on my foot with her high heal princess slipper. For some reason, I will miss them just as much and feel just as guilty tomorrow.